Once your child reaches about the age of 2 years, she is sorting out who she is and how she fits into this world. She is learning all sorts of things that she can and can’t do. Your child has feelings which she can’t understand and may not be able to manage without a tantrum. When she throws a tantrum she is showing you how she is feeling. It could just be that she is overwhelmed, frustrated or tired or because she can’t get her own way.  She hasn’t got enough words yet to explain to you how she is feeling and therefore a tantrum will follow. 

This is the time that she can begin to learn to control her own temper. It also gives her the opportunity to learn that no means no. The worst thing to do is to give in to her temper and let her have whatever it is she is crying about. If you give in to her demands, you are rewarding her for bad behaviour. Don’t try to cajole her with treats, as this is also sending the wrong message.

It’s a good idea to try and pre-empt when the tantrums may occur. For example, if the sweet or toy isle at the supermarket will often set her off, avoid that isle, or to make life even easier for you, shop on line. If a car journey is a trigger then have healthy snack or a toy on hand to prevent her from being bored which may then lead to a tantrum. You may find that it’s getting dressed that causes a tantrum, have a treat ready to give her as a reward for getting dressed and let her know before you even start that when she’s dressed she have the treat. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive; something simple like a sticker will do the trick. 

If all else fails and she ends up having a temper tantrum, follow the top tips below.

Top Tips

• Count to ten.  The worst thing to do is to become angry yourself, so count to ten and stay calm.  If you’re outside, don’t worry about what other people think.  Most people have been in that situation and are just pleased it’s not them.
• Don’t give in to demands.  As I said before, giving in will only encourage her to throw tantrums as she will have learnt that it gets her what she wants.
• Don’t argue with her. Do not get drawn into an argument, at this stage she is beyond reasoning with.
• Be careful what you say.  Don’t say hurtful things.  If you say things like, the policeman will take you away, or mummy will leave you, it can be very distressing for them. You may know you don’t mean it, but she doesn’t.
• Distract her. Use distraction to try and make her forget why she is having a tantrum and help it to come to an end. 
• Ignore her.  As long as she’s not doing anything dangerous or could accidently hurt herself, then try ignoring her.  Once she realises she’s not getting any attention and is not getting her own way, the tantrum will come to an end.
• Be consistent.  Initially the tempers may last some time, but if you’re consistent in your response to her, she will soon learn to control her temper and the tantrums will reduce in quantity and duration.
• Set a good example. Children learn by copying.  If you shout and scream then you are teaching you child to behave in the same way.

Remember, tantrums are a normal part of your child’s development and every child will display temper tantrums at some point.